OK, so lately I have been really discouraged with myself. And let me preface this by saying that I'm not writing this so that people will leave comments about what a good guy I am (so please don't), I'm just writing what I feel.For the longest time I have always been quick to point out other people's flaws, but the truth is I am completely disgusted by my own. I am so sick and tired of jumping to conclusions about people. I always want others to give me the benefit of the doubt, but so often I don't return the favor. I hate waking up the morning after being out with friends and just feeling like a total jerk because of things I had said or done the night before. I wish I wasn't so opinionated or at the very least I wish I could just keep them to myself, but for whatever reason I feel compelled to share them with everyone.
I hate struggling with this. I want to be the kind of guy everybody wants to be around, but all too often I am negative and sarcastic. I hate that. I absolutely hate that about myself. I've always said that if I could be the same person all the time that I am around my YoungLife guys, I'd really be something. It's just easier to go and be this great person for an hour or two a week, but it is so hard to carry that into every day life. It is extremely frustrating, but for now this is just something I will struggle with, and hopefully with God's help I'll overcome.
Keep it real,
Ben
5 comments:
Dude, I feel for ya. I just posted a nearly identical blog yesterday. Must be something in the air. I know we all go through seasons of the spirit. Sometimes everything seems to be perfectly in line with what we want life to be. At other times we hit low spots and feel distant from ourselves and God, at least I do. But it's in these times that HE brings me back up and refreshes my soul. So, hang in there because there's going to be great things on the horizon!
swish tha dish -- did you read Charlie's recent post on "Am I becoming a Reletavist?" -- check out the scripture at the bottom. It really hit my heart after the discussion we had the other night.
Looking forward to many more fun times ... Move-in day is only 10 days away :-)
hey man, i get this way sometimes, too.
especially right after a good weekend.
i really feel recharged from church and just being with my friends.
...and then life happens. and i'm not surrounded by friends and church. i'm surrounded by the world and i get negative and turn into something i try not to be.
but i do know it all seems to be just a phase, and not what i'm really like.
eric, I'm feeling exactly what you are talking about RIGHT NOW. I had an awesome weekend and now i'm at work (=not fun stupid people). I was totally encouraged with prayer and community and am now discouraged with stress and bills. argh. help me Jesus!
whoa, guys, I thought we were talking about me...
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